Shit, but I'm also wondering about the necessity of this blog. I started my other blog in order to keep my family and friends updated on what I was doing in Korea... so maybe I could say that I'm creating this blog to keep my friends in Korea updated on what I'm doing in Amurrrica...? Or am I just being self indulgent?
Whatever. This entry's going to be scattered as fffuck which is reflective of my life right now.. scattered here and there and everywhere and nowhere... all at the same time. Shit's crazy. So here are a few short updates...
-The little hobo is off the streets.. and has been for about a month now. I moved in with 3 boys and I really love it so far... I definitely miss living with Rachelle and Ryne near LUCCAS<3 but this has been a good change of pace. I'm still adapting so we'll see how it goes. One good thing about living with 3 boys is that they have VIDEO GAMES!!....!!!!! I've been addicted to this game Geometry Wars which is insane....
-James visited me from the 11th to the 21st.. I had a really amazing time with him being here.. it was just so nice, SO nice that our friendship in Korea wasn't just a fluke.. here in my real life context, we still could hang out and have a shit ton of fun even just sitting around watching gratuitous hip hop music videos. We didn't even have to play the game of "soo... what have you been doing... (awkward silence)." We just jumped right into the swing of things and I can't even begin to explain how reassuring that was. This just solidified my belief that he is definitely one of my best friends... that all of you guys really are my best friends. Is that too cornball?
And ugh, there are just so many carbon copies floating through the city and everything's been sort of been there, done that except times a bajillion so it's annoying as fuck. I don't understand why it's so difficult to find people who are into truly bettering themselves, rather than pimping out the images of themselves
This is actually a picture of an older version of this game but seriously, this shit is ridiculous. My play count has probably reached about 100 trillion bajillion times. Look how crazy the game looks.. the goal is to just blow shit up and not die while racking up as many points as possible... it's super simple yet they added all these crazy colors to make your eyes want to pop out of their sockets. It's also set to this weird trance music so this entire combination sends you into a super psychadelic trip.... so while my roommates are playing their games with complex story lines and/or amazing graphics.. I'm sitting here like a simpleton playing a game that looks like a bastard child from the brite-lite 80s.... Fucking awesome.
-Recently I printed about 70 pictures. I took them mostly from my collection but borrowed a few from you guys as well. I plastered them all over my wall somewhat haphazardly but I'm pretty satisfied with the result. Now I can lay in bed staring at your faces for hours on end... days even.... it's a beautiful thing... super creepster, right?
-James visited me from the 11th to the 21st.. I had a really amazing time with him being here.. it was just so nice, SO nice that our friendship in Korea wasn't just a fluke.. here in my real life context, we still could hang out and have a shit ton of fun even just sitting around watching gratuitous hip hop music videos. We didn't even have to play the game of "soo... what have you been doing... (awkward silence)." We just jumped right into the swing of things and I can't even begin to explain how reassuring that was. This just solidified my belief that he is definitely one of my best friends... that all of you guys really are my best friends. Is that too cornball?
But I guess it's kind of throwing me for a loop because our interactions were so simple and so effortless.. and now I've had to re-enter the world of awkward and panicked first conversations and have been strapped with the painful task of "getting to know you".. that's a general you, by the way.. it's been a pretty freaking stark contrast. So I've had a considerable amount of anxiety knowing that I have to make new friends if I want to make myself a better life here... god it's my 3rd time coming back here after a long hiatus and it never gets any easier. After a year abroad creating these insanely amazing friendships, I'm trying to remember back to the point where it was all first impressions that were off the mark... you know, the usual song and dance. I'm just sick of having to push through the bullshit that's always involved in forging new relationships.. Fuck the trappings of it all, you know?
But what can I do? I'm sick of this life of half-assed kind of sort of sometimes friendships... especially after I know what it's like to have ones that are true blue. I'm sick of people thinking of me as a concept and I'm trying to return the favor by not doing the same thing. But I guess that'll always be hard...
And ugh, there are just so many carbon copies floating through the city and everything's been sort of been there, done that except times a bajillion so it's annoying as fuck. I don't understand why it's so difficult to find people who are into truly bettering themselves, rather than pimping out the images of themselves
I'm just trying to find people in this city that want to stay above it all and not fall through the cracks... I'm sick of complacency(word supplied by James) and settling and just being fucking BORED. That isn't living.. that's just fucking getting by.
So now I'm trying to ensure that I take everything I've learned from you guys, from myself from that surreal year abroad and apply it to here. How else will I know whether or not I've changed?
Too heavy? Maybe...
It's just that this time around, I don't want it to be about seeking validation in all the wrong places anymore. I'm seriously getting way too old for that shit. Truly.
